Pain Is Too Real
by Khepri
Summary: Only when something's gone is its importance realized. But when there's nothing you can do, can't you only move on? Songfic to My Immortal


**Author's Note:** Just a one-shot that shows what might happen if Rin were to die. (Heaven forbid.) It's done to "My Immortal" by Evanescence, which, if you think about it, is a song that could be about a wide variety of people leaving. Lovers, friends, family, children. It's quite endearing actually.

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_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears   
And if you have to leave   
I wish that you would just leave   
'Cause your presence still lingers here   
And it won't leave me alone _

The air was still, not even the slightest breeze moved through the swiftly darkening sky. It was unnatural, but it was also exactly how the situation felt. Unnatural, surreal, like it would never happen, could never happen. 

But it did. It had. She was gone. He had never allowed himself to grow attached to anyone. Never. But this child, she . . . she showed him that there's more to life than he realized. She taught him that laughter did exist. And when she left him, she reminded him that he did have a heart after all._  
  
_

_These wounds won't seem to heal   
This pain is just too real   
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

Of course he knew that she was mortal and would age quickly, but she hadn't even aged. He realized that he should have kept her on a shorter lead and kept his eyes firmly fixed upon her, but she had him tied around her little finger. Everything she wanted he gave her. She was spoiled rotten.

She was a laughing child, just beginning to see the world. Without maturing, growing old, or anything else, she had been instantly whipped out of existence. 

Her death came as she was still laughing, a sound that repeatedly echoed through his ears when he allowed himself to think about her. Her life, her very soul, had been stripped from her and because of that, he hadn't been able to resurrect her.__

With her soul gone, he couldn't bring her back._  
  
_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears   
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears   
I held your hand through all of these years   
But you still have   
All of me   
  
_

Head bowed, the Western Lord stood motionlessly by the tree that marked her grave. It had been her favorite tree. They came this way often, as it was just outside of his lands and therefore far enough away from home to make her feel like they were on a great adventure.

Every time they passed by, the human girl would run up to the large tree and climb onto one of its low branches as if her lord couldn't find her. And then, when he walked by, she would launch herself into his arms, careful to avoid the lethal spikes in his armor, and throw her arms around his neck.

But he couldn't think about that anymore. He couldn't think about her. It hurt him too much._  
  
_

_You used to captivate me By your resonating light   
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind   
Your face it haunts   
My once pleasant dreams   
Your voice it chased away   
All the sanity in me   
  
_

She showed him that he had a heart, showed him that he had emotions and showed him the kindness that he lacked. The love he felt for her and the strong bond that they shared was equal to that of any father and his beloved daughter.

Amber eyes fell to the ground covering the tree's roots and to the delicate chain of flowers that rested upon the freshly dug grave. Here was a youkai that could slay dozens, was as close to perfect as possible, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out how she was able to weave the flowers together into crown-like wreaths. It was the last one she had made and giving it back to her was the only thing he could do._  
  
_

_These wounds won't seem to heal   
This pain is just too real   
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

But in comparison to what he felt for the loss, there was nothing he could do that he felt would be adequate. His bare claws had slaughtered every single creature that had been there and responsible for her irreversible death mercilessly. Even now it felt as if his long nails were still saturated with their dark blood. 

It hadn't done anything though. It hadn't brought her back. She was still gone, except now, her childish laughter still haunted him. 

Still followed him.

All he could think about was everything she meant to him. All he could do was stand there and mentally destroy himself for not having been quicker, not having been more aware of what was going on around them. For not having been able to protect her._  
  
_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears   
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears   
I held your hand through all of these years   
But you still have   
All of me _

A grip of iron constricted his chest, crushing all it could reach. He wouldn't cry, he didn't even think that he could physically, but it felt as if his heart was crying and pouring out crimson tears. 

No one ever knows how much something means to them until it's gone. And once you get there, a thousand words wouldn't bring them back. A thousand tears wouldn't reverse time. 

Countless lives couldn't restore just one. 

He had tried._  
  
_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone   
But though you're still with me I've been alone all along _

The last fires of the sun slowly sank below the horizon, but not before reflecting off his albino appearing hair, playing in his amber eyes, and shining off his pale skin. The warmth that swept over him went completely unnoticed. 

There was no one there to make him smile, no one there to make him laugh inside. He had allowed himself to grow attached to someone and death had swept upon them to take them away. 

Never would he be able to forget her. All the memories of her played repeatedly in his mind like a movie that would never end. 

She was his world, the reason he had been able to use the almighty Tenseiga. 

Delving deeper within his frozen interior, he carefully locked away his memories of her and the fatherly love he felt for her. He needed to be strong now. No, he had to be. Fate had hit him across the face with a stinging blow to remind him that becoming reliant on someone's presence was foolish. It was weak.

Still, despite being the Lord of the Western Lands, a devastatingly powerful taiyoukai, as Sesshoumaru turned from the site where his human child was buried and began to walk away, a salty tear threatened to form and tumble from one of his eyes.  
  


_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears   
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears   
I held your hand through all of these years   
But you still have   
All of me_

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So, what did ya think? Review! Review and I'll . . . do a trick! oO


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